Insecurity or Idolatry?

“Get the camera and film this moment to share what  giddy looks like at home.” 

That was the prompt I felt from the Holy Spirit one night while I was preparing dinner and dancing around to Forrest Frank in our kitchen. 

I decided to listen to this prompt so I went and got the tripod, set it up and hit record. Later, when I went back to look at the footage for possible future use, I froze. I couldn’t share this! This was not flattering! I looked messy, I looked extra heavy…everything that could be wrong felt wrong with this and my first thought was DELETE!

Now, what happened between the prompting of Holy Spirit and the action? 

My insecurities flared up.

I went from obedient to resistant with one look at the footage because I did not like how it was going to portray me.

My insecurity became more important to me than my obedience and this created an idol. 

You may be thinking, “Rhiannon, that seems harsh. Cut yourself some slack it was one video. There’s always next time…” 

But, that’s the thing, it’s never just one video is it? It’s this video today and then it’s me not knowing what to say tomorrow. It’s me never posting or sharing or speaking because it becomes more important for me to look good or sound good than it is for me to be obedient to the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Also known as, idolatry. My image becomes more important then my obedience.

The Biggest Insecurity

I’m not sure if anyone is born secure and never has to deal with any insecurities, but I know I personally deal with and have dealt with my fair share. The biggest one to date is my weight. 

I have always been on the curvier side, but after marriage and three kids I have struggled to get to a healthy size. 

During this struggle I have gotten lost many times in hiding. I have hid behind baggy clothes, I have avoided social outings, I have cried countless tears, been mad, sad, all the things. 

But something I am starting to realize is that God isn’t mad at me for being this weight so why am I?

I do believe He wants me to embrace healthy living, because that is stewarding my body and life well, but the size I am is not offensive to Him. 

So, why do I allow it to hold me back? Why do I get so embarrassed and upset at myself? Why do I see it as a problem? 

I don’t know if I fully have that answer, but what I do know is that it is a huge source of my insecurities and it has held me back for so long. I have chosen my comfort over obedience and have thus created an idol out of my feelings.

What now?

Now that I am willing to admit the problem what do I do about it? How can I slay this idol or insecurity and step out in obedience?

For me, personally, it looks like loving myself. Loving the skin I am in and daily reminding myself that my size does not disqualify me from being used by God. My size might in fact inspire other women to overcome their own insecurities.

I am also actively going to start being more confident in sharing posts that may not be figure flattering…*gasp*. That is really hard for me, but I feel led to do it because no woman should feel as if she has to forfeit her life because of her size. 

Scripture reminds us, “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

When we get to the end of ourselves, our abilities, our confidence, that is when we begin to move in His spirit and His power. 

I have willfully chosen to avoid many things because I felt too fat to fit in, but I don’t want to do that anymore. 

I may not be the size I fully want to be, because I do want to be healthy, but I’m not going to hide until I get there. I’m not going to let the enemy keep me in that prison of isolation.

I am also actively working on combating these insecurities with God’s word. I have a blank notebook (no lines) that I write the lies in pencil and then go back over them in bold marker or colorful markers with Gods truths or positive affirmations based on His word. (If you are interested in learning more, be sure to sign up for the e-mail and you’ll get the FREE “Let’s Get Giddy” workbook).

Final Thoughts

Fear, anxiety, doubts, insecurities, comparisons, these emotions are some of our main obstacles as believers and as women. That is not what the Father wants for us. He does not want His daughters to live in those lies. His desire for us is to walk free and victorious. 

Anything that we trust in more than God is an idol. Let’s start having some spiritual demo days and tearing those idols down. I want to reaffirm my trust in God and His word for my life, not what insecurity says over my life. His way is better. His words are better. My life in alignment with Him is always better. 

No more idols, friends, let’s demo this stuff and get our Giddy back for God and this great big beautiful life He has given us.

Scriptures-

For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:13-14

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him. For God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.

1 Corinthians 3:16-17

Know that the LORD, he is God!

It is he who made us, and we are his;

we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

Psalm 100:3

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing

Those are just a few of the scriptures, but if you google the specific top you need you can find lots of options. 

John 15:4-5